200+ Dry Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud and Brighten Your Day

Get ready for some laughter with dry jokes! These puns are a real treat. They’ll make you groan and giggle with their deadpan delivery!

Dry humor is special, and so are these jokes. They’re the toast to our comedy! Let’s serve up some smiles and laughter.

Did you know dry jokes have been around forever? They’re a classic way to entertain with subtle wit! Everyone loves a good deadpan pun, especially when delivered with a straight face!

So, gather your friends and family. Get ready for some humor fun! Let the pun-derful jokes roll!

Dry Jokes One Liner

Enjoy the subtle humor! Here are some quick and funny dry jokes to bring understated smiles to your day.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed person on a bike and a well-dressed person on a tricycle? Attire.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I’m terrified of elevators. I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

I couldn’t figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.

I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.

I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.

Dry Jokes Q&A

Celebrate with subtle wit! Here are some deadpan Q&As to spark quiet laughter and knowing nods.

Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? A: Supplies!

Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: He was outstanding in his field.

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An impasta.

Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other? A: They don’t have the guts.

Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A carrot.

Q: Why did the bicycle fall over? A: It was two tired.

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? A: Nacho cheese.

Q: How does a penguin build its house? A: Igloos it together.

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall? A: I’ll meet you at the corner.

Q: Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? A: Because the P is silent.

Q: What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A: A receding hare-line.

Q: Why did the coffee file a police report? A: It got mugged.

Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland? A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet.

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A: A gummy bear.

Q: Why did the math book look sad? A: It had too many problems.

Q: What did the zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt.

Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes? A: They’d crack each other up.

Q: What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A: A can’t opener.

Q: How do you make holy water? A: You boil the hell out of it.

Q: What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? A: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Funny Dry Jokes

Enjoy the subtle humor! Here are some quick and funny dry jokes to bring understated smiles to your day.

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me they’re a “people person.” We’re all people.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.

I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

I’m writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes. It’s only a draft at the moment.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.

I used to hate math, but then I realized decimals have a point.

My friend claims he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

I saw an ad for burial plots. I thought, that’s the last thing I need.

I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn’t find any.

I’m glad I know sign language. It’s pretty handy.

I once got into a fight with a broken elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.

Best Dry Jokes

Enjoy the best deadpan humor! Here are some quick and witty dry jokes to bring subtle smiles to your day.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.

A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.

I’m thinking about removing my spine. I feel like it’s only holding me back.

I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn’t show up. That’s when I knew we weren’t going to work out.

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend. Apparently, she was seeing someone on the side.

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, “But Dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER him.”

I gave all my dead batteries away today. Free of charge.

I’m planning to open a restaurant on the moon. Great food, but no atmosphere.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know which comes first.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I’m going home for the hollandaise.

I told everyone at work I had a new job installing mirrors. It’s something I can really see myself doing.

I got hired as a professional cricket player. I’m just hoping I don’t catch anything.

Clever Dry Jokes

Enjoy the wit! Here are some clever and dry jokes that are sure to spark quiet appreciation and thoughtful laughter.

I used to work at a soft drink company, but I got canned because I tested positive for Coke.

I’m learning how to tie knots. I got it down to a tee.

I was struggling to figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.

I got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.

My girlfriend is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters. But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly “we need to talk.”

I tried to write a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop anytime.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

I’m writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life. It’s an oughtobiography.

I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.

I had a neck brace fitted years ago. I’ve never looked back since.

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

I got a job at a gym, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

I wasn’t originally planning to get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.

My friend thinks he’s smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

I got arrested for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia. I told them I could explain everything.

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Short Dry Jokes

Here are some quick and funny dry jokes that are sure to bring understated laughter and subtle joy!

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t gotten a gig yet.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

I have a split personality. Said Tom, being Frank.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.

I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.

I’m reading a book on teleportation. It’s bound to take me places.

Short people are oppressed, but it’s not a tall order to fix.

Classic Dry Jokes

Classic dry jokes are timeless and always bring a knowing smile! Enjoy these understated gems that are perfect for any occasion.

I went to a seafood disco last week. I pulled a mussel.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I’m friends with all electricians. We have the same current interest.

I used to be a narcissist, but now look at me.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.

I got hit in the head with a soda can. Luckily it was a soft drink.

I’m glad I learned sign language. It’s pretty handy.

I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I used to be a train driver, but I got sidetracked.

My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

I tried to make a reservation at the library, but they were fully booked.

I’m writing my thesis on reverse psychology. Please don’t read it.

I saw a documentary about beavers last night. Best dam show I’ve ever seen.

I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I just couldn’t concentrate.

I’m no photographer, but I have pictured us together.

I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.

I bought a dog from a blacksmith. As soon as I got home, he made a bolt for the door.

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.

I used to be a personal trainer, but I gave too many people the runaround.

Silly Dry Jokes

These silly dry jokes are sure to bring deadpan laughter and joy to any conversation. Perfect for all ages, they’re guaranteed to lighten the mood!

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I went to the doctor because I swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

I got a job as a professional snooker player. I’m just trying to make ends meet.

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said, “40.”

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.

I bought a dictionary, but all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I used to be a shoe salesman, but I just didn’t fit in.

I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married. The ceremony wasn’t great, but the reception was excellent.

I got a job crushing cans. It’s soda pressing.

I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek league, but good players are hard to find.

I bought a new pair of shoes from my drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I went to the dentist without a toothbrush. I had to brace myself.

I applied for a job at the local restaurant, but they said they didn’t have anything for me at the moment. I said, “That’s fine, I’ll have a sandwich instead.”

I tried to make a joke about unemployed people, but none of them worked.

I got fired from the orange juice factory. Apparently, I couldn’t concentrate.

I went to a peanut factory last week. It was nuts.

I got a job at a gym, but they gave me the sack. Apparently, I wasn’t fit for the role.

I bought a ceiling fan. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying, “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Dry Jokes for Kids

Enjoy clean fun! These delightful dry jokes for kids are sure to brighten the day and bring smiles to everyone’s faces.

Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

What did one plate say to another plate? Dinner’s on me!

Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems!

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick!

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumby!

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks!

Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish!

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!

What do you call a bear with no ears? B!

Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!

What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved!

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!

What do you call a fish wearing a crown? King Neptune!

Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

Dry Jokes for Mature

Enjoy sophisticated wit! These clever dry jokes for mature audiences are sure to add an intelligent twist to any conversation.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

My therapist told me the way to achieve inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bottles of wine and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

I asked the corporate wellness officer if I could arrange my desk to prevent carpal tunnel. She said I could, but I’d have to do it on my own time.

Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.

I tried to be a professional procrastinator, but I kept putting off the training.

My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home. I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening. She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time.” So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

I’m thinking about becoming a memory loss expert. But I keep forgetting.

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

My wife said I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house anymore.

I tried to organize a professional hide and seek tournament, but it didn’t work out. Turns out good players are really hard to find.

I bought my wife a fridge for our anniversary. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

I remember when I was a kid, I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 candy bars, 2 bags of chips, and a drink. Now they have cameras everywhere.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not quite sure.

I went to see my doctor about my memory loss. He asked me how long I’d had it. I said, “Had what?”

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace. So I got her nothing.

My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with pasta. I’m feeling cannelloni right now.

Quick Dry Jokes

Enjoy fast wit! Here are some quick and funny dry jokes to bring instant smiles to your day.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Artificial intelligence usually beats natural stupidity.

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

The rotation of Earth really makes my day.

I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I couldn’t figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.

I’m terrified of elevators. I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

Dry Jokes to Share

Enjoy shareable wit! Here are some quick and funny dry jokes to bring understated smiles to any gathering.

I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed person on a bike and a well-dressed person on a tricycle? Attire.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.

A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.

I gave all my dead batteries away today. Free of charge.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn’t show up. That’s when I knew we weren’t going to work out.

I told everyone at work I had a new job installing mirrors. It’s something I can really see myself doing.

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday. I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.

I wasn’t originally planning to get a brain transplant, but I changed my mind.

My friend thinks he’s smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

Clean Dry Jokes

Brighten your day with these clean and delightful dry jokes that are perfect for all ages. Enjoy the understated laughter and smiles they bring!

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

How do you organize a space party? You planet.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.

What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

Hilarious Dry Jokes

Bring on the deadpan laughter! These hilarious dry jokes are perfect for sharing at any gathering, guaranteed to tickle everyone’s funny bone with understated wit.