200+ Landlord Jokes That Will Have You Rolling on the Floor (and Checking Your Lease)

Landlords—they fix your sink late, raise your rent early, and somehow never show up when the heater breaks. But one thing they’re really good at? Being the punchline of a good joke.

Whether you’re a tenant dealing with quirks or a landlord laughing at yourself, these jokes are here to lighten the load. Because let’s face it, laughter is rent-free.

So grab your security deposit and get ready. These landlord puns are moving in permanently!

Landlord Jokes One-Liners

These quick one-liners are perfect for when you need a laugh faster than your landlord responds to maintenance requests.

• My landlord fixed the sink… by raising my rent.
• I called my landlord about a leak. He said, “That’s just the house crying.”
• Rent went up again. At this point, I think my landlord thinks I’m an ATM.
• My lease says “no pets,” but I guess the cockroaches didn’t get the memo.
• My landlord said I could make myself at home—then evicted me.
• I told my landlord the walls were thin. He said, “Perfect for eavesdropping.”
• I pay rent for the square footage, but I get charged extra for drama.
• My landlord raised my rent and called it a “courtesy notice.” That’s rich.
• I asked for a dishwasher. He gave me a sponge and said “good luck.”
• My heating works just like my landlord: it’s never around when you need it.
• My apartment is so small, even my thoughts echo.
• My landlord has a PhD in ignoring emails.
• He painted over the mold and called it “artistic renovation.”
• My rent went up, but the broken lightbulb stayed.
• The only thing upgraded this year was my landlord’s car.
• I told my landlord I couldn’t afford rent. He said, “That’s a personal problem.”
• He said “minor repairs only,” so I fixed it with duct tape.
• My kitchen is open plan. It’s open to disappointment.
• Landlord logic: the ceiling is leaking, but the lease is waterproof.
• He calls the broken heater “rustic ambiance.”
• “Pet-friendly” means the rats are cool with each other.
• My neighbors are noisy. My landlord said, “Sounds like a vibrant community.”
• He replaced the doorbell with a sticker that says “Yell loudly.”

Funny Landlord Jokes

If you’ve ever lived in a rental, these jokes might hit too close to home… or should we say, rental?

• Why did the tenant bring a ladder? To rise above the rent.
• I asked my landlord if I could repaint. He said yes—as long as I use invisible paint.
• Why did the landlord take up comedy? Because collecting rent wasn’t funny enough.
• What do you call a landlord who moonlights as a DJ? DJ Security Deposit.
• My landlord’s idea of fixing things is just saying, “Try turning it off and on again.”
• Why did the stove quit? Even it was tired of being in a toxic relationship.
• Landlord: “No smoking.” Apartment: on fire.
• My landlord says “as-is” like it’s a feature, not a warning.
• Why don’t landlords ever get haunted? Even ghosts can’t afford the rent.
• I reported a broken lock. He replied, “Just trust people.”
• Why did the landlord bring a mirror to the inspection? So I could see who’s really at fault.
• My landlord installed a smart lock. Now it ignores me, too.
• The place is listed as “vintage.” That’s code for “nothing works.”
• I called about the leaking ceiling. He sent a mop.
• My lease said “utilities included.” Turns out, they meant emotional stress.
• Why did the landlord write a mystery novel? He’s good at hiding deposits.
• I told him the walls were damp. He called it “moist charm.”
• Why was the tenant late on rent? He was busy paying for everything else in life.
• My landlord charges late fees like it’s a side hustle.
• I asked about insulation. He handed me a blanket.
• My landlord runs on one principle: plausible deniability.
• “Safe neighborhood” means you have to be safely inside by 6.

Pub Landlord Jokes

Raise a pint and your eyebrows with these bar-based landlord puns and zingers.

• The pub landlord banned me for loitering. I was just trying to finish a beer.
• What do you call a pub landlord who tells dad jokes? Ale-ternative comedy.
• My pub landlord gave me a tab. It was just a reminder that I’m poor.
• I asked for a beer. He handed me water and said, “It’s hops-infused.”
• Why did the pub landlord install disco lights? To distract from the warm beer.
• I spilled my drink. He said, “That’s a cover charge.”
• Pub landlord said no pets, but his cat runs the bar.
• What’s the pub landlord’s favorite game? Hide and sink.
• “Happy Hour” at his bar lasts two minutes.
• He poured me a beer and said, “That’ll be your rent.”
• I asked for a quiet pint. He played heavy metal.
• Why did the pub landlord go broke? He gave out emotional support pints.
• I told him the keg was empty. He told me to manifest more.
• The pub’s WiFi password is “BuyADrinkFirst.”
• His idea of a cocktail? Beer with a lemon peel.
• The bar menu includes “whatever’s left.”
• I tried to complain about the draft. He handed me a blanket.
• He says he’s “old school.” That means he still charges extra for ice.
• The pub landlord has two moods: grumpy and grumpier.
• He says “we’re all regulars here.” I’ve been twice.
• Asked if he had Guinness. He handed me a book.
• The darts are magnetic. So are his excuses.
• He banned karaoke to preserve the walls… and his ears.
• What’s his idea of pub décor? Neon lights and regrets.

Funny Q&A Landlord Jokes to Share

These landlord-themed Q&A jokes are great for sharing at your next tenants’ meeting—or just texting your roommate for a laugh.

Q: Why did the tenant break up with the apartment?
A: It had too much baggage and not enough closet space.

Q: What’s a landlord’s favorite type of math?
A: Rent-arithmetic.

Q: Why did the thermostat move out?
A: It couldn’t handle the heat—or the landlord.

Q: What do you call a haunted apartment?
A: Rent-controlled by spirits.

Q: Why did the faucet cry?
A: It couldn’t take the pressure—and neither could the tenant.

Q: What did the ceiling say to the floor?
A: “I’m under landlord stress too!”

Q: How does a landlord break up with a tenant?
A: With a “Notice to Quit.”

Q: What’s a landlord’s favorite exercise?
A: Jumping to conclusions.

Q: Why was the rent late?
A: It got lost in the black hole between tenant and landlord communication.

Q: Why didn’t the mold get evicted?
A: It was listed as a long-term resident.

Q: How does a landlord ghost a tenant?
A: He just says, “Message seen.”

Q: Why do landlords love elevators?
A: Because they’re always going up… just like the rent.

Q: Why did the smoke detector fail its job?
A: It couldn’t stand the landlord’s hot takes.

Q: What do you call a landlord who sings opera?
A: Tenor-in-chief.

Q: Why did the tenant carry an umbrella inside?
A: Because the ceiling had a 90% chance of showers.

Q: What did the lightbulb say when it went out?
A: “I guess I’m getting evicted too.”

Q: What’s a landlord’s version of a magic trick?
A: Making your deposit disappear.

Q: Why don’t landlords ever get locked out?
A: They hold all the keys—to your future and your fridge.

Q: Why did the oven stop working?
A: It was burned out from landlord neglect.

Q: What’s a landlord’s favorite bedtime story?
A: “Goldilocks and the Three Rent Hikes.”

Q: Why did the landlord get a new phone?
A: The old one had too many unanswered calls from tenants.

Q: What did the rent check say to the bank?
A: “I’m just here for a good time, not a long time.”

Q: What’s a tenant’s favorite horror movie?
A: “The Rent Is Due.”

Q: Why don’t landlords need alarms?
A: The tenants’ texts wake them up.

Best Landlord Jokes

Here’s the cream of the rent-raising crop—our top landlord jokes that are too good not to share.

• I asked for a bigger apartment. He gave me a magnifying glass.
• My landlord’s version of pest control? Telling me to befriend the mice.
• I told him the windows don’t close. He said, “Free air conditioning!”
• My rent includes “character.” Too bad it’s all horror.
• I asked for a fire escape plan. He handed me a candle.
• What do you call a kind landlord? Fictional.
• He raised my rent for “natural light.” The bulb broke three weeks ago.
• My lease renewal came with a side of dread.
• “Waterfront view” apparently means the sink leaks.
• The mold in the bathroom has its own ZIP code.
• My landlord said I’d get “privacy.” Then installed glass doors.
• He advertises “modern living.” I found a VCR in the closet.
• I asked for a ceiling fan. He said, “I’ll just wave from upstairs.”
• My landlord charges extra for windows that open—emotionally.
• He claims the place is “fully furnished.” It came with one chair and regret.
• I told him I couldn’t afford rent. He handed me Monopoly money.
• Rent went up but the fridge still doesn’t cool. It just sighs.
• My lease included “quiet neighbors.” Apparently, the raccoons are paying tenants.
• I asked if the walls were insulated. He said, “With secrets.”
• My apartment came with character—and characters.
• “Move-in ready” meant emotionally, not physically.
• Landlord calls it “open-concept.” I call it “missing doors.”
• “Pet-friendly” meant ants are allowed.

Knock Knock Landlord Jokes

Time to knock on some doors with these groan-worthy landlord knock-knock puns.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Rent.
Rent who?
Rent you glad it’s not due today?

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mold.
Mold who?
Mold you please fix the bathroom?

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Deposit.
Deposit who?
Deposit you’ll never get back.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Leak.
Leak who?
Leak what I found in the ceiling!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broken.
Broken who?
Broken window, broken heater, broken dreams.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Evict.
Evict who?
Evict-ually, I’ll hear back from the landlord.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tenants.
Tenants who?
Tenants for putting up with this rent.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Late.
Late who?
Late rent, late repairs, late responses.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Noise.
Noise who?
Noise to meet you, I’m your new upstairs neighbor.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Fee.
Fee who?
Fee-nally paying my rent—with interest.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Hot.
Hot who?
Hot water? Not here.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Move.
Move who?
Move out day’s approaching faster than replies.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Bill.
Bill who?
Bill me for everything, why don’t you?

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Draft.
Draft who?
Draft from the window that won’t seal.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Maintenance.
Maintenance who?
Maintenance you never called.

Bad Landlord Jokes

Some landlords are just the worst—and these jokes are just as bad. So bad, they’re good.

• My landlord’s idea of fixing the leak was putting a bucket under it.
• I asked for central air. He sent me a postcard from Florida.
• He raised rent for “location”… it’s next to a dumpster.
• The oven doesn’t heat. He said it’s “eco-friendly.”
• He called black mold “natural wallpaper.”
• I asked for pest control. He gave me a fly swatter.
• My ceiling collapsed. He said, “That’s just vintage charm.”
• He said the cracks were “personality lines.”
• He calls the leaky faucet “hydration on demand.”
• I asked for new blinds. He said to close my eyes.
• My apartment came “partially furnished.” It had one fork and a wobbly chair.
• The toilet doesn’t flush. He said, “Be resourceful.”
• I mentioned the peeling paint. He said, “Exposed texture is in.”
• He calls it “loft-style.” I call it a roofless mess.
• I asked if the building was safe. He said, “It hasn’t fallen down yet.”
• Rent went up again. He said it’s for “emotional maintenance.”
• I reported mice. He named them and told me to get along.
• The water’s brown. He said it’s “earth-toned.”
• The shower only works on weekends. Apparently, it’s freelance.
• I asked about insulation. He said the building hugs you back.
• My floorboards creak. He said it’s the ghosts of past tenants.
• I requested a fridge. He handed me a cooler.
• I asked for an intercom. He gave me two tin cans and a string.
• The front door doesn’t lock. He said, “Trust your neighbors.”

Classic Landlord Jokes That Never Get Old

These timeless landlord jokes are like your lease—renewable, a little annoying, but somehow comforting.

• What’s the difference between a landlord and a magician? A magician eventually gives something back.
• I asked for central heating. He gave me a candle.
• Why don’t landlords play hide and seek? They’re impossible to find when you need them.
• My deposit disappeared faster than my landlord at repair time.
• Landlord said “updated bathroom.” It was last updated in 1974.
• “Great view” meant the neighbor’s brick wall.
• The only amenity is regret.
• He said “laundry on-site.” It’s a single rusted machine in the basement.
• “Pet policy: yes” apparently includes raccoons in the attic.
• I asked for internet. He handed me a book.
• “Studio apartment” just means “your bed is next to your fridge.”
• He said “shared space.” He meant with the rats.
• Rent includes utilities… and endless emotional damage.
• The elevator’s always out. My quads have never been stronger.
• “Modern fixtures” includes one working lightbulb.
• Asked about the plumbing. He said, “Flush with confidence.”
• The windows don’t open. He says it’s to preserve the aroma.
• The walls are so thin, I know my neighbor’s favorite pizza topping.
• He listed it as a “cozy retreat.” It’s a closet.
• I asked for a thermostat. He said, “Go outside—it’s nature’s AC.”

Silly Landlord Jokes to Make You Smile

These lighthearted landlord jokes are just silly enough to make you forget about your rent for a minute.

• My landlord has a hotline. It rings directly into voicemail.
• I told him I heard rats in the walls. He said, “Sounds like company.”
• He said the carpet adds charm. It’s older than me.
• My toilet sings when it flushes. I call it jazz plumbing.
• He suggested I clean with vinegar. That’s also his solution for broken tiles.
• My lease includes “spiritual renewal.” That’s code for crying weekly.
• I asked for a paint job. He gave me a crayon.
• He said the rust adds “flavor” to the water.
• My floor tilts like I’m in a funhouse. It’s the only entertainment included.
• I told him the bathroom light is flickering. He said, “Set the mood.”
• The front door is so old, it creaks like a haunted house. Free Halloween vibes.
• My window won’t open. He calls it “urban insulation.”
• I mentioned the hallway smells weird. He said, “That’s neighborly spirit.”
• He said “natural lighting.” I have one window facing a brick wall.
• My mail gets delivered to another unit. He says, “That’s how you meet people.”

Family-Friendly Landlord Jokes for Everyone

These jokes are clean, light, and great for anyone who’s rented or ever dreamed of becoming a landlord (but maybe won’t after this list).

• Why did the landlord go to art school? To learn how to paint over mold.
• What do you get when you cross a landlord with a calculator? Rent math!
• Why did the tenant bring a broom to the inspection? To sweep the problems under the rug.
• How does a landlord keep tenants happy? They don’t. That’s the joke.
• Why did the lease get an award? For longest-running drama series.
• What did the sink say to the toilet? “At least I’m not the one always full of it.”
• Why did the landlord become a chef? He was good at cooking up excuses.
• Why don’t tenants tell ghost stories? The real horror is the rent.
• Why was the apartment freezing? It had commitment issues—with heating.
• Why did the refrigerator apply for work? It was tired of chilling rent-free.
• What did the carpet say to the tenant? “Stop walking all over me.”
• Why was the shower proud? It always came clean.
• What do you call a happy tenant? Mysterious.
• What’s a landlord’s favorite movie? “The Deposit Strikes Back.”
• What did the stove say to the fridge? “Let’s heat things up.”

The Bottom Line

Landlord jokes are the comic relief we all need in the rollercoaster of renting.

They take our frustrations and flip them into punchlines. Whether you’re a long-term tenant, first-time renter, or just someone who’s ever fought with a thermostat, these puns make it easier to laugh through the leaks and late fees.

So next time your toilet won’t flush or your rent jumps without warning, just smile… and bookmark this page. Because rent may not be funny—but these landlord jokes sure are.