200+ Deadpan Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud with Straight-Faced Delivery

Get ready for some laughter with deadpan jokes! These puns are delivered with a straight face. They’ll make you groan and giggle!

Deadpan humor is special, and so are these jokes. They’re the straight face to our comedy! Let’s serve up some smiles and laughter.

Did you know deadpan jokes have been around forever? They’re a classic way to deliver humor! Everyone loves a good straight-faced pun, especially when it catches them off-guard!

So, gather your friends and family. Get ready for some deadpan fun! Let the seriously funny jokes roll!

Deadpan Jokes One Liner

Master the art of straight-faced comedy! Here are some quick and funny deadpan jokes delivered with perfect timing and zero emotion.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I used to be addicted to soap. But I’m clean now.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I’m terrified of elevators. I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on. Then it clicked.

I have a joke about construction. But I’m still working on it.

I used to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me.

I’m writing a book about hurricanes. It’s a real whirlwind.

I have a joke about time travel. But you didn’t like it.

I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.

I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s bound to take me places.

I have a split personality. I’m beside myself.

I used to be a banker. But I lost interest.

I’m friends with all electricians. We have good current relationships.

I told a joke about paper. It was tearable.

I have a joke about unemployment. But none of them work.

Deadpan Jokes Q&A

Master the art of straight-faced comedy! Here are some witty deadpan Q&As to deliver with perfect timing and zero emotion.

Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms? A: Because they make up everything.

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A: A gummy bear.

Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: He was outstanding in his field.

Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An impasta.

Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other? A: They don’t have the guts.

Q: What did the ocean say to the beach? A: Nothing, it just waved.

Q: Why did the bicycle fall over? A: It was two tired.

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? A: Nacho cheese.

Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? A: Because then it would be a foot.

Q: What did one wall say to the other? A: I’ll meet you at the corner.

Q: Why did the coffee file a police report? A: It got mugged.

Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A: Fsh.

Q: Why did the math book look sad? A: It had too many problems.

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer.

Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes? A: They’d crack each other up.

Q: What did the zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt.

Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: It saw the salad dressing.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A: A stick.

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor? A: It felt crumbly.

Q: What did one plate say to another? A: Dinner’s on me.

Q: Why don’t oysters donate to charity? A: Because they’re shellfish.

Q: What do you call a pig that knows karate? A: A pork chop.

Funny Deadpan Jokes

Master the art of straight-faced comedy! Here are some quick and funny deadpan jokes delivered with perfect timing and zero emotion.

I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won’t stop sending me vacation ads.

I’m not lazy. I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I tried to write a book on procrastination. I’ll finish it later.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

I organized a threesome last night. There were a couple of no-shows, but I still had fun.

I’m writing a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a wrap.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

I have a condition that prevents me from going on crash diets. It’s called being hungry.

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.

I used to be a narcissist. But now look at me.

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, I haven’t met everyone yet.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

I asked my North Korean friend how things were. He said he couldn’t complain.

I have a joke about inflation. But it’s not worth as much as it used to be.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t gotten a gig yet.

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t read it.

I have an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

I told a joke about my spine. It was about back support.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

Best Deadpan Jokes

Master the art of straight-faced comedy! Here are some of the best deadpan jokes delivered with perfect timing and zero emotion.

I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying nobody has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together.

I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.

I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?

I have a photographic memory. I just never developed it.

I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

I’m not antisocial. I’m just not user-friendly.

I don’t have a solution, but I admire the problem.

I’m not ignoring you. I’m just prioritizing my indifference.

I used to be schizophrenic. But we’re okay now.

I’m not saying I hate you. But I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

I’m not lazy. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

I told my boss three companies were after me, so I needed a raise. He asked which ones. I said gas, electric, and cable.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

I’m not always right. But I’m never wrong.

I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.

I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop making me angry.

I’m not short-tempered. I just have a quick reaction to nonsense.

I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me.

I’m not addicted to reading. I can stop as soon as I finish this chapter.

I’m not paranoid. But I know you’re all against me.

Good Deadpan Jokes

Master the art of straight-faced comedy! Here are some good deadpan jokes that showcase perfect timing and zero emotion.

I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.

I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman. I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together.

I have a fear of over-engineered buildings. It’s a complex complex complex.

I’m not saying I’m Superman. But have you ever seen my birth certificate?

I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

I’m not saying I’m perfect. But I am pretty close.

I have a joke about statistics. But it’s mean.

I’m not saying I’m old. But my birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

I tried to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament. But good players are hard to find.

I’m not saying I’m always tired. But my spirit animal is a sloth.

I have a joke about memory loss. But I forgot how it goes.

I’m not saying I’m a genius. But my IQ test came back negative.

I tried to make a belt out of watches. But it was a waist of time.

I’m not saying I’m immature. But I still giggle when someone says duty.

I have a joke about submarines. But it’s too deep.

I’m not saying I’m forgetful. Wait, what were we talking about?

I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.

I’m not saying I’m a vampire. But I do avoid mirrors and garlic.

I have a joke about amnesia. But I don’t remember it.

I’m not saying I’m dramatic. But I practice my Oscar speech every morning.

I tried to write a chemistry joke. But I got no reaction.

Deadpan Jokes Examples

Master the art of straight-faced comedy! Here are perfect examples of deadpan jokes delivered with zero emotion and perfect timing.

My wife asked me to sync her phone. So I threw it in the ocean.

I went to the doctor. He told me to watch my drinking. So now I drink in front of a mirror.

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

My friend said to me, “What rhymes with orange?” I said, “No it doesn’t.”

I went to the patent office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in, and the lady asked, “What do you have?” I said, “A photographic memory.” She said, “What?” I looked her straight in the eye and said, “A photographic memory.”

My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

I tried to organize a space-themed party. But I needed more space.

My wife asked if I’d seen the dog bowl. I said I didn’t even know he could play.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

My friend told me smoking kills. I told him so does being alive eventually.

I went to a fancy restaurant. The waiter said, “How did you find your steak?” I said, “I just moved the potato, and there it was.”

My wife asked why I carry a gun around the house. I said, “Decepticons.” She laughed. I laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.

My therapist says I have trouble expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40.”

I went to the zoo. There was only one dog. It was a shih tzu.

I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did.

What Are Deadpan Jokes

Understanding deadpan humor requires mastering the art of straight-faced delivery! Here’s what makes deadpan jokes special and unique.

Deadpan jokes are delivered with a completely straight face and monotone voice.

The humor comes from the contrast between serious delivery and absurd content.

Deadpan comedy originated in vaudeville and early film comedy.

Famous deadpan comedians include Steven Wright and Mitch Hedberg.

The word “deadpan” means showing no emotion or expression.

Deadpan jokes work because they catch people off-guard with unexpected punchlines.

Good deadpan delivery requires maintaining a serious expression throughout.

The timing is crucial in deadpan comedy, pauses matter.

Deadpan humor often involves understatement and irony.

British comedy has a strong tradition of deadpan delivery.

Deadpan jokes can be one-liners or longer anecdotes.

The lack of emotion amplifies the absurdity of the joke.

Deadpan comedy is the opposite of slapstick or physical humor.

Successful deadpan delivery requires confidence and commitment.

Deadpan jokes often play with logic and absurdist thinking.

The audience laughs at the disconnect between tone and content.

Deadpan humor works well in written form too.

Many sitcoms feature characters with deadpan delivery styles.

Deadpan jokes require the audience to “get” the joke themselves.

The straight-faced delivery makes the punchline hit harder.

Deadpan comedy has evolved but maintained its core principle.

Understanding deadpan jokes helps appreciate subtle humor better.

Deadpan Jokes Meaning

Understanding deadpan humor! Here’s what deadpan jokes mean and why they work so effectively in comedy.

Deadpan means delivering humor without showing emotion or expression.

The term comes from “dead” meaning without life and “pan” meaning face.

Deadpan jokes rely on contrast between serious delivery and funny content.

The meaning lies in the unexpected disconnect.

Deadpan humor uses understatement as a key technique.

The jokes work because they subvert expectations.

Deadpan delivery makes even simple jokes funnier.

The meaning includes irony and sarcasm delivered seriously.

Deadpan comedy means trusting your material without overselling it.

The style emphasizes the absurdity through serious presentation.

Deadpan jokes mean letting the humor speak for itself.

The technique requires complete emotional control.

Deadpan humor means playing it straight no matter how ridiculous.

The meaning extends beyond just facial expressions to tone and body language.

Deadpan jokes work because they force the audience to process the humor.

The style means never breaking character or laughing at your own jokes.

Deadpan delivery makes the mundane sound profound.

The meaning includes treating the absurd as completely normal.

Deadpan comedy means maintaining composure through the punchline.

The technique amplifies humor through understatement.

Deadpan jokes mean finding comedy in the ordinary.

Understanding the meaning helps you appreciate the craft.

How Deadpan Jokes Are Delivered

Master the technique! Here’s how to deliver deadpan jokes with perfect timing, straight face, and zero emotion.

Maintain a completely neutral facial expression throughout.

Use a monotone voice with minimal inflection.

Never smile or laugh at your own joke.

Keep your body language still and controlled.

Deliver the punchline with the same tone as the setup.

Make direct eye contact to increase impact.

Use pauses strategically for maximum effect.

Keep your delivery pace steady and unhurried.

Avoid any physical gestures or movements.

Treat absurd statements as completely serious.

Don’t telegraph the joke with your expression.

Maintain the deadpan even after delivering the punchline.

Practice keeping a straight face in the mirror.

Commit fully to the character and delivery.

Don’t rush through the joke, let it land.

Use understatement rather than exaggeration.

Keep your tone conversational and matter-of-fact.

Don’t explain or apologize for the joke.

Let the audience come to the humor themselves.

Stay in character even if no one laughs.

Practice timing with strategic silence.

Record yourself to check for any breaks in character.

Deadpan Jokes Reddit Favorites

The internet’s favorite straight-faced humor! Here are popular deadpan jokes that Reddit users love and share regularly.

I have a stepladder. Because my real ladder left when I was a kid.

I’m terrified of elevators. So I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

I used to work at a calendar factory. I got fired for taking days off.

I’m reading a book on the history of glue. Can’t put it down.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I have a fear of speed bumps. I’m slowly getting over it.

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. But I turned myself around.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

I have a joke about chemistry. But I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

I used to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me.

I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Don’t read it.

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I have a split personality. And so do I.

I used to be a banker. But I lost interest.

I’m afraid of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.

I have an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.

Short Deadpan Jokes

Quick and expressionless! Here are short deadpan jokes delivered with perfect timing and zero emotion for maximum impact.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I told a chemistry joke. No reaction.

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. Can’t put it down.

I’m terrified of elevators. Taking steps to avoid them.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I couldn’t figure out my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

I used to hate facial hair. Then it grew on me.

I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.

I have a split personality. I’m beside myself.

I used to be a banker. Lost interest.

I told a joke about paper. It was tearable.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

I’m writing a book about hurricanes. It’s a real whirlwind.

I have a fear of speed bumps. Slowly getting over it.

I’m friends with all electricians. Good current relationships.

I have a joke about construction. Still working on it.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I have a joke about time travel. You didn’t like it.

I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’ll take me places.

Clever Deadpan Jokes

Intelligent humor delivered expressionlessly! Here are clever deadpan jokes that showcase wit with perfect timing and zero emotion.

I have a joke about trickle-down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.

I tried to write a book about procrastination. I’ll get around to finishing it.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

I accidentally swallowed food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed inside.

I’m writing a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a wrap.

I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

I organized a threesome. There were a couple of no-shows, but I had fun.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

I asked my North Korean friend how things were. He said he couldn’t complain.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven’t gotten a gig yet.

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, I haven’t met everyone yet.

I have a joke about inflation. It’s not worth as much as it used to be.

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.

I used to be a narcissist. But now look at me.

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t read it.

I have an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

I have a condition that prevents me from crash diets. It’s called being hungry.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

I have a photographic memory. I just never developed it.

I’m not great at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

Classic Deadpan Jokes

Timeless straight-faced humor! These classic deadpan jokes have stood the test of time with their perfect delivery and zero emotion.

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

I went to the doctor. He said I was overweight. I said I wanted a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.